Tuesday, August 30, 2011

This Is How We Do It

Last week, I ate ice cream from a squatter, while seated on a toilet.  Meanwhile, my friends drank from urinals.  
You may be thinking, “Samantha, my god!  What backwards land have you run off to?  We warned you about keeping your wild ways in check while on foreign ground.”  But fear not; it’s all in good fun.
After gathering up the cool kids from our training group, we boarded  the MRT and headed to the cool-kids-of-Taipei hangout, Ximen. 


The Modern Toilet

Unfortunately, we arrived too late for the full menu at Modern Toilet, but they were still serving ice cream and drinks.  I guess when you’re eating from a crapper, it doesn’t matter if it’s not a well-balanced meal.  We ordered a sundae that was served in a squatter.  I won’t go into my plight over the squatters right now, but let me just say, I have not yet mastered the technique of proper usage.  As the urinals and toilets began to arrive at the table, which was a glass-covered bathtub, you can be sure that the potty humor was rampant. 

Squatter Sundae, with beans.  Ew.

Megan enjoying some refreshing discharge.
Calvin sippin on some sizzurp
I think maybe the best part was that we Westerners were the only ones in the place that seemed to be blown away by the kitsch.  Everyone else was calmly eating from their respective commodes.  Haha, oh yeah, and look at the sundae when we were finished.  Hope someone packed the scrubbing bubbles..... 

Could this be more disgusting?

After consuming food and drink from outhouses, we decided to hit the town and get our party on.  We had been told that foreigners get free beer at one of the bars near our hotel, starting at 10pm.  We arrived at 10:30, only to find out they were “out” of beer.  What?!?  Toto, we’re not in Wisconsin anymore.  
Dejected and looking for a good time to lift our broken spirits, we rounded the corner to the 7/Eleven.  The place was crawling with foreigners, hanging out on the sidewalk, drinking cheap beer.  It took me back to my underage drinking days (sorry, Dad!), like we were at risk for getting busted by the Po-Po at any moment.  I kept waiting for someone to pass me the bottle of Boone’s Farm.  It wasn’t quite as dark and sweaty as a freshman basement kegger, but they did serve 7/Eleven-brand beer, which I guess is the Milwaukee’s Best of Taiwan.  The Beast.  Chusheng.  (Yeah, I looked it up.) 

Miller time in Taipei is at 7:11.  Get it?  I'm so clever.

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